New Beginnings!
(Originally written July 2018)
For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland
Isaiah 43:!9
About 5 months ago, I thought I was in a pretty good place. I felt like I had managed to put most of the puzzle pieces of my life together in such a way that everything seemed to fit. I was happy in my position as an elementary school librarian, I had found my niche with my running and fitness friends, I had just found a new church that I liked, and I had taken a leap of faith to get past my timidity and insecurities to become a fitness coach with Orangetheory. Okay, so maybe all the pieces didn't fit PERFECTLY but they managed to create a picture of a life I was pretty satisfied with. Then one afternoon at an emergency staff meeting after school....my puzzle was flipped over and the pieces went flying. It was announced that our school was being put into the ACE program in Dallas ISD which essentially means it is treated as a reconstitution. A new principal would be coming and she could hire/rehire who she pleased. We could opt in if we would like to be considered for rehire but it was really up to the incoming administrator. I had only been at this school for 1 1/2 years but I was really happier than I had been in quite a few years. I had really fallen in love with my students and they had fallen in love with the library. It was in the neighborhood that I started in when I first came to Dallas and where I felt both the most connected and the most needed. It was also in my own community as I lived only 2-3 minutes away. I requested to stay but strangely I never was offered an opportunity to meet the new administrator, never offered a chance to interview for my position, never heard back despite many emails and requests. The next thing I knew, my fellow coworkers were receiving letters confirming their position for the following year but I never did, though my position was still vacant. To this day, I do not know why the door was closed. I never received a response but for some undetermined, unexplained reason I was forced into searching for a new position. I was hurt, bewildered, confused and upset. If there was a performance related reason, I was not given any explanation. I didn't WANT to find a new job. I didn't WANT to find a new school. I wanted to stay with my babies! I became very discouraged and confused. I started thinking that maybe I didn't even want to be in education anymore. Or maybe I just didn't want to be in Dallas anymore. I started tinkering with the idea of maybe finally moving back to west Texas nearer my family and even put out some job applications in Lubbock and Canyon. I started thinking about maybe changing directions within the field of education and teaching P.E. I applied for P.E. jobs. I applied for jobs outside of public education. I applied for jobs in Dallas and in west Texas. Nothing felt right though. I honestly did not know WHAT I was supposed to be doing with my life or where. A couple of jobs outside of public education seemed promising but fell through in the end. I received a job offer in Lubbock but couldn't quite bite the bullet on making such a big move. I have been in Dallas since 2003 and so much of my life and identify as an adult is rooted here. Although I miss my family and often wish I was closer, I couldn't quite bring myself to uproot everything (sell my house, leave my run club, leave my network of friends and fitness associates, etc) to move back to Lubbock where I hardly knew anyone after being gone for almost 20 years.
This was a very difficult time for me. I just wanted to be somewhere that felt right doing something I loved and that made a difference but I just didn't know what. The fact that I had been dismissed with no explanation and was not given the time of day to fight for my position wrecked my confidence. Despite having never received anything but positive evaluations throughout my 13 years in education, I was suddenly doubting everything about myself. I didn't know what I loved, what I felt passionate about and what I was even good at.
I was still wrestling with this through the summer. I had accepted a P.E. position but had serious qualms about it. It didn't feel right in my gut. I ended up applying to another district and immediately, within 30 minutes, received calls for 3 interviews. This was a boost to my injured confidence. That same week I interviewed at 3 schools and had a really positive feeling from each one. I finally had 3 good options on the table. After weighing the pros and cons and talking with some people in the district, I made a decision I feel good about! After 12 years in Dallas ISD, I will be taking my talents to Duncanville. Change is scary but sometimes needed to rejuvenate and refresh and re-inspire and I'm hoping that this new opportunity will breathe new life into my work as an educator.
In the meantime, I was considering using the summer break as an opportunity to attend CG Academy. I had started the affiliate process with CG before being hired by Orangetheory but put it on the back burner when I had the chance to work for OTF. At the time I couldn't miss school to attend Academy and Orangetheory was the perfect opportunity to go ahead and dive in and get some fitness experience under my belt. I will never regret that decision. My experience at OTF has been wonderful. I learned so much from an incredibly supportive head coach and team. We had wonderful members and everything about it was really special. However, a part of me still loved the mission and vision of CG as well as it was where I really fell in love with fitness and being part of a fitness community. Both organizations are incredible and are doing so much to change people's lives for the better. There is definitely a need and a niche for both. Although I had talked to the area director about attending CG Academy that summer while I had the days off, I didn't really plan on pursuing a career with CG just yet as things were going well at OTF.
In early July, the area director called me with an opportunity I couldn't refuse. Most trainers with CG have to start from scratch and build their clientele and build their location which can take weeks or months. However, there was a trainer that would be leaving in August and I was being offered the opportunity to take over her location. It had happened to be the very location that I had originally gone Bold at a couple of years before and the site of my run club's weekly runs. There were already an established number of campers and evenings would work well with my school schedule. I knew such an opportunity might not come along again and so I decided to accept. It was tough to think about leaving OTF just as I was getting more acclimated and comfortable to the role and to most importantly to the members. It was tough to tell my amazing head coach who had poured and invested so much into developing me that I was thinking about leaving so soon. Yet I felt it would be foolish of me to turn down the rare CG opportunity that was being offered to me basically on a silver platter. So within a matter of days I found myself in Austin attending CG Academy and being immersed in the mission, vision, values, and product of Camp Gladiator. Auditioning was a bit nerve-wracking but I felt more confident with my OTF experience under my belt than I would have a few months prior. And then before I hardly knew what had happened, I was signing my contract to become a partner trainer with CG, starting the next camp that begins August 6.
New school district, new school, new role as a CG trainer, all in the same week! I will go to Mexico July 31-August 5 for one last vacation and escape from reality...and come back to an entirely new life starting August 6. God continues to astound me with the mysterious ways in which He works and weaves the pieces of our lives together. I'm nervous yet excited about the new fresh ways and platforms I will have to hopefully make an impact, a ripple of change, a difference in the world. Although I'm nervous and often feel inadequate and insecure about the roles I take on, I have to remind myself that God will not lead me anywhere He won't equip me. I pray that He provides me with the creativity, the passion, the knowledge, and the ability to fulfill these assignments and to be worth of the trust that has been placed in me.
To new beginnings!!!
